This first blog is longer than any others will be, I promise. I didn't know I was going to do this until today, and I find that for myself, I have to back up to the beginning to get to today. Please bear with me as I go through this process! Thanks!
I stole the idea of doing this blog from a fellow church member who has already been down the road of the "Financial Fitness" small group. He was in the first group...we're in the second. So, thank you to M.E. - who unknowingly lit a spark through the sharing of his own experience!
I'd been sharing with my husband, Brian, for quite some time, how I really needed to find a small group. The groups offered at church haven't appealed to me, for various reasons. I was excited when a friend from church offered her time for a weekly small group of intimate proportions...just the two of us.
In the meantime...Brian had signed up for the "Financial Fitness" small group through the church. He was really excited and 'encouraged' me to go..."you've been looking for a small group - here is one for both of us!" Gulp.
Let me be honest with you. Money scares me. It FREAKS me out. Not just a little, but to where my knees grow weak, I chew the skin on my fingers and my breathing is uneven - or rather it stops. That's it. I hold my breath. Not like when Brian and the kids fill their lungs and hold their breath as we drive under long tunnels, more like "oh crap! I need oxygen!!!" Deep Breath.
A little about my history: My father's folks were quite comfortable financially. They had 3 kids, including dad. Somehow, he grew up "over-dependent" on my grandparents for financial support. He talked them into buying him a house when he was in his 30's. The down payment, the monthly payments and not quite 10 years ago, my grandmother paid off the loan by cashing in a tax free account she'd had for years equaling $32,000. House paid off in full...in dad's name. When she died about 7 years ago, he also inherited 1/2 of the sale of her home/land and split it with my aunt. He even tried to manipulate that into his sole gain. He's always been frugal - no, a tight-wad with money. He never taught me about money. I just always understood he didn't have enough of it and he was angry about it. I had to keep secrets from my mom about his financial situation and the fact that we used food stamps.
My mother grew up in a family of 6 kids and by the time she was 10 years old, she was living with her newly single Mom, due to the death of her father. We lived in my G'ma's house. Rent: cheap. As I was growing up, I learned nothing about money from her with the exception that there always seemed to be enough to cover our expenses. I know at times we had to "tighten our belts" (whatever that meant) but we always had what we needed and shared with others. Mom would invite a friend to dinner and then they would argue about who would pay the friends portion, with mom saying "I invited you, I will pay". I remember liking the feeling I got when the friend would smile and say "thank you!" Perhaps she was not as frugal as she could/should have been.
I married a man who is a flippin' math wizard. Not only is he good at math, he ENJOYS it! He flew to Texas for a weekend to "tutor" a math student who was struggling. He confronted our son's math teacher about an extra credit question he only received 1 point on, challenging the teacher because Brian was sure he should have gotten full credit. He was right, and our son did get the credit. The teacher changed her attitude after that....I think Brian scared her. He's amazing with money. He can actually SAVE it! He has a money market account, a 401K, a credit report grade of: excellent and a wife.
So, here I am...completely unaware of how money "works". Embarrassed that I don't have any saved, nothing planned for my future, or my kids' futures. Embarrassed that I have borrowed unnecessarily and have found myself in dept beyond my own belief with a credit report that bears the grade of: FAILED. Yet, on the other hand, I find absolute joy in giving - or rather, spending money on others. Either by sharing lunch with a friend - my treat, of course!... or to spend exuberant amounts of money on cards and gifts - for every occasion imaginable!
Where does that leave me? FREAKED OUT! How did I feel when Brian tells me it's Thursday and it's time to go to the financial small group? FREAKED OUT!
The Financial Fitness small group meets every Thursday at the cozy home of a couple from church. The first Thursday, I genuinely had a headache that had me down for the night. Admittedly, I was grateful for the headache, as it got me out of going to this meeting of money. Eww! Yuck!! Brian went solo. He came home with reading material and a "workbook". (They named that right! What a horrible looking thing - with it's blank forms to fill out and even worse: a self-test on your FEELINGS about where you stand financially!)
The second Thursday kind of broadsided me. We thought we had a baby-sitter lined up and when I called to confirm, it didn't work out. I thought "no biggie, Brian has started from the beginning, I'll go when I can and he can go to all the meetings if I make it or not." Ha! My wonderful, loving husband sent me! ALONE!!
God bless Brian. I NEEDed to go. It wasn't a bunch of people I know (and don't know) sitting about bashing each other for their financial screw-ups. It was a group of people, loving each other for their strengths and encouraging each other to do better and to offer out suggestions and ideas. Wow! What a pleasant surprise! We struggled, we laughed, we shared from the heart (and from the account balances), and we were there, together, to learn and overcome.
I left with a sense of determination and amazingly, a sense of peace about our financial situation. It isn't glowing right now, but we have the ability (competence in doing) and the capability (having attributes required for accomplishment) to become debt-free...with savings for ourselves and for our kids!
Yesterday, I spent the morning working on our budget while the kids were working on various summer homework. I stunned myself and became EXCITED about the budget! I admit, I was proud of myself for even attempting it. I was having so much fun in fact, that I didn't want to stop! I was able to find a way to spend "my" money on Brian so I feel as though I'm "gifting" and can help accomplish what's necessary for the budget! I even went as far as pulling out a years worth of cell phone bills to see if we really need those extra minutes. We don't!
It really is freeing to see a light through the muck of money. I had a glimpse of realization yesterday of something extraordinary...
Money does not have to freak me out!
In the meantime...Brian had signed up for the "Financial Fitness" small group through the church. He was really excited and 'encouraged' me to go..."you've been looking for a small group - here is one for both of us!" Gulp.
Let me be honest with you. Money scares me. It FREAKS me out. Not just a little, but to where my knees grow weak, I chew the skin on my fingers and my breathing is uneven - or rather it stops. That's it. I hold my breath. Not like when Brian and the kids fill their lungs and hold their breath as we drive under long tunnels, more like "oh crap! I need oxygen!!!" Deep Breath.
A little about my history: My father's folks were quite comfortable financially. They had 3 kids, including dad. Somehow, he grew up "over-dependent" on my grandparents for financial support. He talked them into buying him a house when he was in his 30's. The down payment, the monthly payments and not quite 10 years ago, my grandmother paid off the loan by cashing in a tax free account she'd had for years equaling $32,000. House paid off in full...in dad's name. When she died about 7 years ago, he also inherited 1/2 of the sale of her home/land and split it with my aunt. He even tried to manipulate that into his sole gain. He's always been frugal - no, a tight-wad with money. He never taught me about money. I just always understood he didn't have enough of it and he was angry about it. I had to keep secrets from my mom about his financial situation and the fact that we used food stamps.
My mother grew up in a family of 6 kids and by the time she was 10 years old, she was living with her newly single Mom, due to the death of her father. We lived in my G'ma's house. Rent: cheap. As I was growing up, I learned nothing about money from her with the exception that there always seemed to be enough to cover our expenses. I know at times we had to "tighten our belts" (whatever that meant) but we always had what we needed and shared with others. Mom would invite a friend to dinner and then they would argue about who would pay the friends portion, with mom saying "I invited you, I will pay". I remember liking the feeling I got when the friend would smile and say "thank you!" Perhaps she was not as frugal as she could/should have been.
I married a man who is a flippin' math wizard. Not only is he good at math, he ENJOYS it! He flew to Texas for a weekend to "tutor" a math student who was struggling. He confronted our son's math teacher about an extra credit question he only received 1 point on, challenging the teacher because Brian was sure he should have gotten full credit. He was right, and our son did get the credit. The teacher changed her attitude after that....I think Brian scared her. He's amazing with money. He can actually SAVE it! He has a money market account, a 401K, a credit report grade of: excellent and a wife.
So, here I am...completely unaware of how money "works". Embarrassed that I don't have any saved, nothing planned for my future, or my kids' futures. Embarrassed that I have borrowed unnecessarily and have found myself in dept beyond my own belief with a credit report that bears the grade of: FAILED. Yet, on the other hand, I find absolute joy in giving - or rather, spending money on others. Either by sharing lunch with a friend - my treat, of course!... or to spend exuberant amounts of money on cards and gifts - for every occasion imaginable!
Where does that leave me? FREAKED OUT! How did I feel when Brian tells me it's Thursday and it's time to go to the financial small group? FREAKED OUT!
The Financial Fitness small group meets every Thursday at the cozy home of a couple from church. The first Thursday, I genuinely had a headache that had me down for the night. Admittedly, I was grateful for the headache, as it got me out of going to this meeting of money. Eww! Yuck!! Brian went solo. He came home with reading material and a "workbook". (They named that right! What a horrible looking thing - with it's blank forms to fill out and even worse: a self-test on your FEELINGS about where you stand financially!)
The second Thursday kind of broadsided me. We thought we had a baby-sitter lined up and when I called to confirm, it didn't work out. I thought "no biggie, Brian has started from the beginning, I'll go when I can and he can go to all the meetings if I make it or not." Ha! My wonderful, loving husband sent me! ALONE!!
God bless Brian. I NEEDed to go. It wasn't a bunch of people I know (and don't know) sitting about bashing each other for their financial screw-ups. It was a group of people, loving each other for their strengths and encouraging each other to do better and to offer out suggestions and ideas. Wow! What a pleasant surprise! We struggled, we laughed, we shared from the heart (and from the account balances), and we were there, together, to learn and overcome.
I left with a sense of determination and amazingly, a sense of peace about our financial situation. It isn't glowing right now, but we have the ability (competence in doing) and the capability (having attributes required for accomplishment) to become debt-free...with savings for ourselves and for our kids!
Yesterday, I spent the morning working on our budget while the kids were working on various summer homework. I stunned myself and became EXCITED about the budget! I admit, I was proud of myself for even attempting it. I was having so much fun in fact, that I didn't want to stop! I was able to find a way to spend "my" money on Brian so I feel as though I'm "gifting" and can help accomplish what's necessary for the budget! I even went as far as pulling out a years worth of cell phone bills to see if we really need those extra minutes. We don't!
It really is freeing to see a light through the muck of money. I had a glimpse of realization yesterday of something extraordinary...
Money does not have to freak me out!
1 comment:
Great post. Keep 'em coming!
Post a Comment